In my former life I was a Paramedic for the Los Angeles Fire Department. I saw a lot of bad stuff, saved a life or two and brought a couple of lives into this world – who are probably in college now, cripes I’m so old. My writing career got started while I was still in Emergency Medical Services and this post won an Honorable Mention in the Journal of EMS Literary Competition.
Lots of water under the bridge but I’m still kinda proud of this one. Enjoy.
Taking Care – April, 1994
The blast from the shotgun struck him in the upper chest. Did this 15 year old boy even see it coming? To this day, I have to ask myself that question.
It was just another drive-by shooting in South-Central Los Angeles. As we arrived on the scene, I could not have imagined the impact that the next 15 minutes would have on my life and my career.
The boy had expired prior to our arrival. A paddle check and thorough exam confirmed what we already knew. As I placed the white sheet over the boy’s lifeless body, a man pushed through the crowd and in an instant I knew it was the boy’s father.
Telling him his son was dead was one of the most difficult things I have ever done. The look of exquisite anguish on his face as I quietly brought his world crashing down is permanently burned in my memory.
Seven years later, I can still recall the scene like it happened yesterday. Although I didn’t realize it at the time, that incident caused enough emotional damage for me to cut short what should have been a career-long stay in the Fire Department. When I think of how EMS has changed in the past few years, this incident comes to mind.
At the time this happened, there were no Critical Incident Stress Debriefings (CISDs), no helping the rescuers, and no real place to discuss thoughts and feelings after a traumatic event. Strong, invincible pillars of strength were the unspoken – and sometimes spoken – requirements for being a good paramedic. Being affected by a call meant being weak and often brought forth helpful suggestions regarding a career change.
In the past few years we have finally to come to realize the importance of taking care of ourselves and our emotional needs. Each and every day, EMS providers are becoming more involved in the welfare of EMS and their fellow providers. CISD teams are popping up from Barrow to Key West. No longer are we expected to respond to death and destruction each day with no way of dealing with the stress.
The changes in the way we take care of ourselves mark yet another step toward maturity in a profession we like to think of as still in its infancy. That is the beauty of EMS. We have the power to shape and mold this profession into anything we want it to be.
I welcome the change toward taking care of ourselves. I managed to stay in EMS despite the fact that no CISD was available after traumatic events such as the shooting described earlier. Now that we are providing for our mental health, perhaps valued members of our team will be able to remain in the system and pass their experiences on to future EMS professionals.
Originally published in the April, 1994 issue of the Journal of Emergency Services
Hi George, this is quite a powerful tale, thank you for sharing it again.
You may have heard of the recent series of typhoons that left the Philippines devastated? The area where I live, my house and nearby friends and families were all affected.
I blogged about the trauma that I experienced seeing drowned people being pulled out of the flood and the attempts to revive them. My country is still a bit behind in dealing with trauma, especially in emergency cases like this.
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Reyjr,
Yeah, things can stick for quite a while. I know those storms had to be devastating and the impact will be felt for a long time.
Thanks for coming by.
George
This was so great — both to hear about this experience, and to get to know you on a whole different level! I didn’t realize you were a paramedic…I have so much respect for those men and women. Your experience is exactly why I respect them so much; it can be heartwrenching work. But, I imagine it can also be exciting, fulfilling, rewarding!
Thanks for sharing, George.
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Hi Laurie, and thanks.
It was a double edged sword. I saw lots of things that were close to unbelievable and I also had some very gratifying moments supplied by patients or their families.
I would trade none of it.
George
George, what a great story and nice personal revelation. A job like that must very taxing emotionally. You save lives the best you know how and deal with the impact of the unfortunate one you can’t rescue from the clutches of death. Indeed how can one be detached in the face of utter loss without something in you dying a little.
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Hey Jan,
Yep. True words right there. As a human, you have to be touched…
George
Wow.
I don’t know what to say, George. Wait… I always have something to say! LOL
This is beautiful and I’m so glad that you’ve been able to help people like this!
Honestly, I don’t know how you – or anyone else – can be in the medical field. I nearly faint at the site of blood and if someone were to die in front of me or be bleeding with a limb chopped off or some other graphic horror, I’d just pass out.
I commend you for having the courage and heart (and stomach) to be able to tend to them.
And thanks for sharing the photos.
Hi Michele,
Yeah, it was a tough yet rewarding gig all at the same time. You kind of get over the gore pretty quick, but there are a lot of other things that are even tougher to get past.
George
Hi George,
Thank you for sharing this with us!
My husband’s three brothers are all in the fire department, the oldest just retired from being Fire Chief having worked in all the ranks of the fire department. All of his brothers have told me some harrowing tales that simply break my heart. The physical and emotional toll from caring for others, whether they are via an EMT, fire fighter, nurse, or other related field, is tremendous.
I was formerly a massage therapist, and I once had a big, burly police officer see me for back pain. Half-way through the massage he started crying. Massage tends to release emotion from people on occasion, and this man has suffered recent trauma on the job. HIs trauma was certainly real and needed treatment just like any other injury. I’m really glad to hear CISD teams have been formed.
Even though your EMT career may have ended, I am certainly glad you continued your writing journey.
I enjoy your blog very much!
Cheers and thank you for your service to others.
P.S. I love men in uniform – thanks for the eye candy…
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Hi Lori,
That is so great that there is a long lineage of your family helping others. There really is nothing like it.
I’m glad to have continued my writing as well, and I’m SO happy you enjoy the blog.
Hehe. Eye candy. Hehe.
George
I knew you were a passionate loving person, now I know for sure.
Other words fail me. Love Wilma
Wilma,
I’m touched by your kind words. Truly. Thank you.
George
Hello George!
Thank you for sharing this moving piece.
As you certainly experienced 15 years ago, and as our armed forces brothers and sisters experienced in the two world wars, and more recently, in Vietnam and now in the Middle East, PTSD is the scourge of so-called “civilized” societies.
If there is a lesson to be learned here today, it is that the shame and guilt of unwarranted, unending warfare being silently carried by our young warriors must be given voice, and this collective darkness have the light of compassion and forgiveness shone upon those who carry such heavy mental burdens.
It’s the EMTs and soldiers who stifle their crying and who never ask for help, for fear of institutionalized censure, that we all should reach out to and gently say:
“It’s OK to let it go.
“It’s OK to express your real man-and-woman-hood.
“It’s OK to claim your innate innocence in the face of the unspeakable.
“For if we don’t allow that, then we will reap what we have sown.”
On a much lighter note, George, thank you for your terminal impishness and your childlike amazement at the world around you. That beauty that you see reflected in your own daughter’s eyes!
Good on YOU, my friend!
Wayne C. Long
Writer/Editor/Digital Publisher
http://www.LongShortStories.com
Where the Short Story LIVES!
Wayne,
Thank you so much. Always, always, always you leave comments that are thoughtful and thought provoking. I learn as much in one of your comments as I often learn reading an entire post on some sites.
Your insights into this topic are spot-on in my opinion. Challenging the known paradigms of this issue is a tough battle, but one worth fighting.
George
Hi George – That must have been a terrible situation to deal with. It’s great that more help and counselling is being given now to help folk in your profession deal with traumatic incidents.
I have had PTSD for 16 years and I’m sure I would have recovered way faster if counselling had been offered after the incident.
Hi Cath.
16 years is a long time. I think that unless folks have been there it is hard to understand how something can stick for that long. All I know is that it does and it impacts most aspects of our lives.
Nice to see you here, thanks for dropping by.
George
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