There’s a little market down the road from the elementary school I teach at every now and then. I head there at lunch and get a little sustenance on occasion. There is a clerk there I want to tell you about.
She’s probably in her mid-fifties or so and is quite ordinary in most every way. What makes her stand out? She is genuinely and positively nice. She is always smiling, and in listening to her interaction with each patron, you would think she was dishing out the potato salad at the worlds biggest family reunion.
What reason does she have for being so nice? She has to work hard every day at a job that probably pays close to minimum wage. She obviously is not in a situation for her to be spending her golden years at home, bouncing the grand kids on her knee.
She is special because she is genuinely nice.
Because of her, when I go to that market I always have a pleasant experience.
What are you driving at, George?
It’s simple, really. In every interaction we have, be it online or in person, we have a choice in how we choose to interact.
Let’s look at a situation on the opposite end of the spectrum:
There’s a fairly popular blog that I frequent. I’ve always liked the style and I started interacting with the blog owner. We seemed to hit it off ok and soon I headed over there with each post, commenting and interacting.
One day, I left a comment and someone left a kind of pissy/snarky response to my comment. Made me angry, it did. I made the mistake of responding in that vein and blew the guy out of the water in a not very nice way. The blog owner did a strong and prompt (and appropriate) reprimand of my new comment. I totally deserved it.
I emailed the owner with my apologies, he made light of it and said he actually agreed with what I had to say in my response.
So, all is good, right? Wrong. That incident permanently changed our relationship. I still go there and comment, but the feel is different, the responses are different and it’s just not the same.
The point is that I could have been nice in the way I handled the situation and everyone would have been the better for it.
Get on with it already, George!
Okay, I will.
How does this translate into a writing inspiration?
As much as writing is a solitary sport, you will at times have to interact with other humans on the planet. How you choose to handle those interactions will have a profound effect on your success as a writer.
Being nice is an art form. It is a way of life. If you are nice, it comes out in your query letters and in your dealings with publishers and agents. Think about the old adage of smiling while on the phone. It’s the same thing.
Here’s an important concept:
Nice does not mean spineless
Being nice does not mean hiding under a cover, not poking your head up lest you offend someone. Being nice is a mindset that allows you to appropriately respond to others in a manner that results in positive outcomes. Not every result will be sunshine and roses, but if you are nice then you held up your end of the bargain.
This was a very nice article 8=)
I find that it is very important to be nice, but one of the problems with the online community is that we only have words (and emoticons) to use. Body language, tone of voice, eye contact, facial expressions — these are all lost. When you toss in the fact that not everyone is a native English speaker it gets even harder.
It really takes an extra effort to be nice, especially when you are reprimanding or disagreeing with someone. But as you say, it is really worth the effort.
Ha! How funny you should post this now George, as I just sucessfully did not blow somebody out of the water and was only just a small bit sarcastic in my reply. Probably shouldn’t have even been even slightly sarcastic, but this is progress for me.
I totally agree with what you are saying, even if I don’t practice it perfectly myself. My tendency is to be blunt and sometimes that can come across as cold to people who have a more soft style. It’s something I work on, and I’m really excited because @TimBrownson is going to show me how to rapidly switch how I feel (agitated, annoyed, irratated, whatever) into a more pleasant state for me to reply from.
Previously, I’ve relied on the old walk away and come back with a cool head method, but let’s face it we don’t always have time to let something sit for a day or two while we calm down, pop a midol, whatever.
I have found in every kind of work I’ve done a pleasant attitude on my part gets better results and makes my job a lot easier to boot.
Thanks for the great reminder.
Tracy´s last blog post..6 Things I secretly hope are included in life coaching
Hi Wolfy
Thanks and I agree that the lack of physical indicators makes it that much more important to really weigh our words.
BTW, I LOVE what you’ve done with your site. The color scheme and layout are very pleasant. I can’t wait to spend some time poking about!
George
Thanks George. I hope that you enjoy it.
I also appreciate any feedback that you care to send my way — I’m always looking for ways to improve.
LoneWolf´s last blog post..Theme Tweaks — Site Update
Hi Tracy,
I’m glad you liked it.
BTW, did you just recently add the “subscribe by email” to your blog? I did just subscribe via email and I don’t recall the button being there before.
George
You say,
“Because of her, when I go to that market I always have a pleasant experience.”
I believe we all have a moral responsibility to be happy or at the very least neutral. The reason is simple: Our demeanor effects everyone around us.
I’m always disconcerted when an employee of a store, that I have to interact with because I’m a customer, is in a truly bad mood.
Do they not realize that their mood is affecting everyone around them? Do they not also realize that when they exude positivity that everyone not only benefits from it but truly appreciates it? I know I do.
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been in bad moods. But if I’m working and interacting with people, at the very least I’d fight enough to make it neutral. I know my demeanor effects others, this means I have a real responsibility.
Beyond that, I think the book, “How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie is a very helpful book for bloggers.
Bamboo Forest – PunIntended´s last blog post..How to Make the Choices You Really Want to Make in Life
Bamboo,
All things being equal, why go through life under a cloud, dragging others in to share the rain?
Makes no sense to me.
And yes, the Dale Carnegie book is a classic – with good reason.
George
I love your story about the lady!! I love people like her, and I try really, really hard to be like that. No matter what kind of job I’ve had–in an office, at a store, even a fast food place–I had a great time interacting with my customers/clients and always tried to learn their names and like when I worked at the fast food place as a teen, I had several regulars. It didn’t take me long to learn Mr. So-and-So ordered a sausage and cheese biscuit and small coffee every morning. Things like that make memories! Ah, thanks for the walk down memory lane.
Now that I’m freelancing, I still try to be nice whether I’m commenting on a blog, answering an email or responding to a message on some social media site.
But, don’t be hard on yourself George. We all flub up a little!! I’ve had stuff happen in my life too that I just had to take my little flub up and learn from it. We aren’t perfect. Your experience sure led up to a most beautiful and inspiring post filled with wisdom and insight, though. Job well done!!
*smiles*
Michele
Michele´s last blog post..Raw Success: Book Review and Contest Giveaway!!
Michele,
You are the nice queen! Always positive, always a good thing to say. I think the world could use a few more Micheles.
Seriously
George
Hi George, it’s always been there, but it’s a bit hidden away, isn’t it? Love your site redesign, I’m looking to do one myself when I have time and one thing is to make the subscription options much more visible! Right now, everything is all smooshed in that sidebar.
Tracy´s last blog post..6 Things I secretly hope are included in life coaching
Oh, looks like you find the most interesting links at Tracy’s! I just poked around after reading your comment on her Signatures article, and I really like it here!
I agree with you, being nice to people makes them want to come back. I appreciate when I go to a store and I’m greeted with a smile, and it’s the same on Internet.
Thanks for the uplifting article!
Nice does not mean spineless.
I love that. It’s quite tempting to let loose one’s inner snark. You’re safely in your own room while the target is miles away. You can drop the bomb and swiftly turn for home.
It’s more challenging to disagree with civility. It takes a while to see the other person’s point of view. Our first instinct is to protect our set ways of thinking or deeply held notions.
But as we expect to be treated with kindness and genuine warmth, it is best to hold up our end of the bargain as you aptly put it.
jan geronimo´s last blog post..Kick Ass Blog Tip: Demystify Blogging with Bloggity
Hi Nathalie,
I’m glad you found your way over here. I’m always finding little gems from the board too!
I do believe you can tell if someone is nice on the Internet by the way they handle themselves in terms of the words and thoughts they convey. For me, a good example of this has been Twitter. Most of the folks in my stream seem to be pretty nice, and I like that. I just don’t have any room in my life for negativity!
Thanks for coming by, I hope to see you here again!
George
Hi Jan,
Unfortunately, in much of our society being nice is not necessarily considered a good thing. So much emphasis is put on aggressively seeking whatever we want – at any cost. I think you can have the things you seek through positive interactions with folks. Doing so with conviction gets you far.
It’s nice to see you here, and BTW, I’m diggin’ your tweets!
George
Ah my tweets and retweets? – My way of saying thank you to web authors who make my day.
Makes reading less a solitary enterprise. Instead of jumping around in my room in glee, snorting coffee in both delight and surprise – I tweet and retweet.
Of course, once in a while I still go back to jumping mindlessly and snorting – just to keep in shape with my ancient skills.
jangeronimo´s last blog post..Bah! You Can Curtsy Now – I’m an Influential Blogger
You sure will!
Nice ain’t for wimps.
It can be tough. REALLY tough.
I’ve done similar things and not been nice. Basically, they’ve gotten me no where fast. Being nice yet persistent works much better.
Thanks for the post; well said!
Laurie,
I love it! Nice ain’t for wimps. No doubt about it. It’s easy to be knee-jerk, it’s tough to craft a controlled response. Awesome!
George
Pingback: Daily Digest (2009-04-11) ∴ Nathalie Hamidi
George, what another brilliant post that outlines something that so many people seem to take for granted, or on occasion forget altogether.
It’s nice to every now and again receive a reminder, I think.
By the way, the more I see this theme, the more I like it. An excellent choice.
Matt
Matt Hayward´s last blog post..Characters: An Alternative Creation Story
Thanks Matt! I do think it is an important component of a successful life.
And I’m liking the theme a bit more each day as well!
Catch you in Twitter-land!
George
I agree. Being nice is a talent almost, some people are really gifted at that. Unfortunately, it seems that some people who are blunt and rude can be proud of the fact that they are. They tell people that they just “say things as they are” and that is “just their personality.” I say that’s just an excuse to hurt people’s feelings because you ENJOY hurting people’s feelings. You can still say things as they are and be nice and respectful about it. It’s not necessarily easy, especially if you’re angry, because then it is so enjoyable to hurt the person who made you angry, but it can be done. I can’t say that I always manage that, but I do make an effort.
Sebastyne,
Thank you for capturing the essence of what I was trying to say. Some folks seem to relish choosing the hurtful path when there are so many other options that would get the job done in a kinder way.
I’m so glad you stopped by. I hope to see you here again soon
Cheers
George
Pingback: Tumblemoose In The Spotlight | Get Paid to Write Online
Pingback: [31DBBB] Write a Link Post ∴ Nathalie Hamidi
Pingback: What Kindergarten taught me about writing today | Tumblemoose Writing Services
Pingback: What Kindergarten taught me about writing today » The Write Network
Pingback: Tumblemoose In The Spotlight | Get Paid to Write Online