In my former life I was a Paramedic for the Los Angeles Fire Department.  I saw a lot of bad stuff, saved a life or two and brought a couple of lives into this world – who are probably in college now, cripes I’m so old.  My writing career got started while I was still in Emergency Medical Services and this post won an Honorable Mention in the Journal of EMS Literary Competition.

Lots of water under the bridge but I’m still kinda proud of this one.  Enjoy.

Taking Care – April, 1994

The blast from the shotgun struck him in the upper chest.  Did this 15 year old boy even see it coming?  To this day, I have to ask myself that question.

It was just another drive-by shooting in South-Central Los Angeles.  As we arrived on the scene, I could not have imagined the impact that the next 15 minutes would have on my life and my career.

The boy had expired prior to our arrival.  A paddle check and thorough exam confirmed what we already knew.  As I placed the white sheet over the boy’s lifeless body, a man pushed through the crowd and in an instant I knew it was the boy’s father.

Telling him his son was dead was one of the most difficult things I have ever done.  The look of exquisite anguish on his face as I quietly brought his world crashing down is permanently burned in my memory.

Seven years later, I can still recall the scene like it happened yesterday.  Although I didn’t realize it at the time, that incident caused enough emotional damage for me to cut short what should have been a career-long stay in the Fire Department.  When I think of how EMS has changed in the past few years, this incident comes to mind.

At the time this happened, there were no Critical Incident Stress Debriefings (CISDs), no helping the rescuers, and no real place to discuss thoughts and feelings after a traumatic event.  Strong, invincible pillars of strength were the unspoken – and sometimes spoken – requirements for being a good paramedic.  Being affected by a call meant being weak and often brought forth helpful suggestions regarding a career change.

In the past few years we have finally to come to realize the importance of taking care of ourselves and our emotional needs.  Each and every day, EMS providers are becoming more involved in the welfare of EMS and their fellow providers.  CISD teams are popping up from Barrow to Key West.  No longer are we expected to respond to death and destruction each day with no way of dealing with the stress.

The changes in the way we take care of ourselves mark yet another step toward maturity in a profession we like to think of as still in its infancy.  That is the beauty of EMS. We have the power to shape and mold this profession into anything we want it to be.

I welcome the change toward taking care of ourselves.  I managed to stay in EMS despite the fact that no CISD was available after traumatic events such as the shooting described earlier.  Now that we are providing for our mental health, perhaps valued members of our team will be able to remain in the system and pass their experiences on to future EMS professionals.

Originally published in the April, 1994 issue of the Journal of Emergency Services