query

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Book ‘em, Dano – Ten fully arrest-able query gaffs

Posted by george on August 3, 2009
Posted in: Writing. Tagged: , , . 17 comments

Listen to the Podcast

  arrested

You have the right to remain silent – thanks for illustrating the point.

Anything you say can and will be used against you. No further elaboration needed.

You have the right to Counsel. You should have done that prior to querying.

Do you understand these rights? For the love of God, do ya?

  1. Penal Code 451.2 – Greeting and Battery. Casual and off the mark salutations. “Hey man, check this out.” “Dear Mr. Jerry Jones.” Umm, it’s Ms. Jones. Who in the heck are you writing to? Not researching a little about the agent could get you sent straight to the slam.

  2. Penal Code 333.6 – Impersonating a Writer. Yup, hitting “send” without checking for basic spelling and grammatical errors will get you a trip to the Iron Hyatt. Let me get this straight: You want the agent to consider shopping an entire book of hack writing, right?

  3. Penal Code 745.4 – Excessive Bloviating. A three page query letter rife with your stupendous writing skills diatribe will only get you labeled as an opprobrious, gasconading windbag and will likely earn you three hots and a cot.

  4. Penal Code 009.7 – Twilight Cloning. Who needs original? Heck, go with what has already been done because you know it works. Look how successful what’s-her-name is with all this teenage vampire stuff. Facsimile story line = A 300 pound snoring bunkie named “Bubba”.

  5. Penal Code 883.1 – Genre Abuse. “Look, I know you don’t do literary romantic horror, but this story is really good. I know you’ll change your mind when I send you the full manuscript.” Judges have been known to sentence folks to back-to-back life sentences for this one.

  6. Penal Code 111.1 – Bandwidth Theft. “I am so certain that you are going to want this book that I have included the entire manuscript for your reading pleasure. I included it in the body of this email AND I included as an attachment.” Go to jail.  Go directly to jail. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200.

  7. Penal Code 696.6 – Family Fraternization. “Hey, my mom and my sister tell me this is the best romance novel they’ve ever read. They would know because they’ve read them all.” How nice for you. Nothing like a good book review to get the ball rolling. Stand up against that wall over there and keep you hands where I can see ‘em.

  8. Penal Code 490.0 – Impatience in the First Degree. “We need to move on this right away. Let me have your cell number so that we can wrap this up. I’ll email you every few days to see how things are going.” Solitary Confinement for you.

  9. Penal Code 212.9 – Aggravated Ignoring. “I know your web site says you’re not accepting submissions right now but you don’t want to miss out on the epic novel of the past two decades.” What part of “No” don’t you understand? Off to the pokey with you then. Go on.

  10. Penal Code 319-5 – Human Cloning. “Look, I’ve read every book that King has published. I can write circles around that hack. Am I the next Stephen King? No way. I’m so much better so you better snap me up before someone who knows what they’re doing does.” This one doesn’t even get you a trial in front of a jury.

As soon as I make parole, I’m going to start writing again.

E-book review: Get an Agent Guide

Posted by george on March 6, 2009
Posted in: Writing. Tagged: , , , . 9 comments

100 E-Friendly Agents Open to New Writers

I am completely stoked to start off our new E-book review Fridays with this E-book from Maria Schneider over at Editor Unleashed.

From her “about” page:

Maria Schneider is a freelance writer and editor with a unique take on writing and the publishing industry.

As the former editor of Writer’s Digest magazine, she’s interviewed countless authors, agents and editors and edited the work of prominent authors including Alice Hoffman, Jodi Picoult and Ridley Pearson.

She’s now dedicating herself to being an independent voice and helping other writers through what she’s learned—and continues to learn—about writing and publishing. On Editor Unleashed, you’ll find creativity starters, publishing news & views and visits with agents and authors, so look around and come back often.

First things first

Get an Agent Guide – 100 E-Friendly Agents open to New Writers can be downloaded here

The Review

When I received this e-book to review, I suspected I was in for a treat.  I had been following Maria on Twitter for a while and I found her style engaging and her expertise spot-on.  I opened the .pdf file and here is what I found:

    • Maria gets right down to it.  Page 3 and I’m looking at the agents.  I like that.  I’ve seen so many e-books that fluff for the first twenty pages or so and I’m wondering if I’ll ever get to the heart of the material.
    • The front matter includes some succinct and to the point tips for querying the agents listed
    • There is a simple “How To Use This Guide” to help make certain you get all that you can from the information presented.

The listings

Each of the listings includes:

    • The Agent’s name
    • Agency name
    • The website hyperlink
    • The email address (If an email address is not listed, it’s because there is a submission form directly on the Agency website.
    • The genres accepted

In general

I found this e-book to be thoughtfully laid out and easy to navigate.  The font style and size made for an easy read and the information on each page was manageable.

While I did not click on every hyperlink, all of the ones I did check were working as expected.

Per the Editor Unleashed “Get an Agent” page, the listings were updated/checked as early as two weeks ago.

Finally

Ok, here is my chance to gush a bit.  First, I have to say that I love the concept of this book.  Finding reputable agents who are web savvy and are also accepting new writers would take hundreds of hours of research.  For myself, just having the listings has inspired and lit a fire.

Long time readers of Tumblemoose know that the Writer’s Market book has always been one of my strongest recommendations.  At about 29 bucks, I still recommend it for the valuable market information it contains.  With that said, it is NOT the best place to try and find representation for your work.  It is possible that listings are out of date even well before the publish date.  Agents can move around, emails change, etc…

My point here is that the listings in Get an Agent are current and Maria has done all of the leg work for you.

Recommendation: Yes. At a mere $14.95 it is a true e-book bargain.

Head on over to this page right now and order it up

Query me this, Batman Part 3

Posted by george on November 18, 2008
Posted in: Writing. Tagged: , , , , , . 9 comments

In the first two posts of this series, I hounded folks about the importance of getting all the pieces of the puzzle in place for the all important query letter.  This third and final chapter of the query letter story will discuss the outline of the letter itself.

Now that you’re ready to go, let’s look at the elements of a successful query letter.

First Line:  Today’s date

4 hard returns and then,

Editor Name, Title

Publication Name

Publication Address

Dear: Unless you are certain of gender, use the full name

First Paragraph:

If you’re going to sweat over any of the paragraphs in your query letter, it better be in this paragraph.  This is the hook.  This is the paragraph where you capture the interest of the editor and demonstrate a little of your writing style.  Think of it as an excerpt of your article that contains the essence of the whole piece.  It does NOT have to be pulled directly from your article but it should have the flavor.  Remember that it is a hook, so make it sticky.  Make it so lively and interesting that someone would HAVE to continue reading the rest of the letter.  As if that’s not challenging enough, try and keep it down to two – four, short – medium sentences.

Second Paragraph:

Tell the editor what this article is about.  Make certain that this is written from an angle that demonstrates you have read the submission guidelines and you are familiar with the publication and the readership.  Brevity is important here.  Remember you want to give a taste, not set up a buffett.

Third Paragraph:

Describe where and how you believe this article may fit in the publication.  If you believe it fits in a particular section, outline why you believe so.  This demonstrates again that you have done your home work and are familiar with the publication.  Use this paragraph to put forth the anticipated word count and any ideas for possible side-bars.  If you have photographs, let the editor know that in this paragraph.

Fourth Paragraph:

Yay me paragraph.  Describe previous publications that have accepted your work.  If you don’t have any clips then that’s ok. Don’t dwell on it, don’t plead and don’t beg.  C’mon.  Get off of your knees and stand proud.  This query letter speaks for itself and gives the editor a fine feel for your capabilities.

Closing:  Short and sweet.  Thanks for your time and consideration, I look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely, Best, Regards – Whatever you like.

Your name

Address

Phone number

email address

That’s all there is to it.  I know there are a lot of ways to skin this cat, but this format has garnered a positive response each time I’ve used it.

I hope you enjoyed this series.  Query letters are very important and it’s important that you understand the concepts presented here.  If you have any thoughts about what you think makes a great query, then comment and let’s start a discussion.

Query me this, Batman Part 2

Posted by george on November 11, 2008
Posted in: Writing. Tagged: , , , , . 2 comments

Welcome back.  In the first post I discussed the importance of writing a good query letter and I hammered home (I hope) the importance of obtaining the 2009 Writer’s Market.  Let’s continue on with this query letter best practices post to see the next chapter in the story.

Now that you’ve got your intended target in sight you essentially have one of two paths from which to choose.  Which path you take is dependent to some extent on the information you found either in Writer’s Market or by reading the submission guidelines at the publisher’s web site.  You can query by email or query/submit the manuscript via regular mail.  There are other options but these are probably the most common.

Query by email

This is becoming a more and more popular way for an editor to receive your query.  First and foremost, do not be fooled into thinking that just because you’re doing this in an email that the format should be any less formal then a regular letter.  This means you start with the date, four hard returns followed by the name, title and complete address.  Dear so and so is next, followed by the body, followed by the closing.

Some email pointers:

  • Make certain you turn off your spam filter or specifically allow email from whoever you are sending your query letter to.  See this great post from an editor.  You want to read this.  I’m serious.
  • Include your contact information in the email, just as you would on printed letter.
  • If the submission guidelines say “no attachments”, guess what?  DON’T ATTACH ANYTHING!  I can’t even believe I had to make that point.  Put your stuff in the body of the email.
  • Do not hound the editor.  If the guidelines indicate a 4 – 6 week response time, don’t you dare email that editor until maybe 8 weeks have passed.  The convenience of email is no excuse to not follow directions.

Query by regular mail

The first thing you want to do is to go read this post from an editor.  While it is specific to submitting a novel, many of the points here are important for any query or submission.

Did you read the post?  Good stuff isn’t it?  See, stick with the Moose and I’ll get you to where you’re going.

Regular mail pointers:

  • Every component of your mailed query is advertising for you and who you are.  You cannot be too professional, you cannot be too perfect.
  • The envelope is clean and crisp.  Use a standard stamp (save your “Nuke the Gay Whales for Christ” stamps for your Christmas cards.
  • I know you wouldn’t dare forget to include the SASE.  If you’re submitting an entire manuscript and you’d like it back, make sure the envelope is the correct size with the appropriate amount of postage.
  • If you are including the manuscript, do not bind it in any way.  No fancy page protectors, no cute butterfly hole-clasps – nothing!

In the last post of this series, we’ll get into the specifics of the query letter itself.  I’ll share the format that has worked for me every time I’ve used it.

Query me this, Batman – Part 1

Posted by george on November 3, 2008
Posted in: Writing. Tagged: , , . 5 comments

How successful are you in your query letter responses?  Do you even send query letters?

“What?  Who needs a query letter?  I’ll just send ‘em the manuscript.  It’s perfect, I’m sure they’ll love it.”

Well, speaking as your competition, I say go right ahead and keep on the road you’re on.  Be sure and let all of us know how that works for ya.

For the rest of you that are interested in obtaining “contender” status, listen up.

The query letter is literally your foot in the door so you better make it right.  It has to be perfect.  Yes it does, don’t argue with me.  This single piece of 8 and a half by 11 is absolutely your best chance to show the publication two things:

  1. You know how to write.  THAT’S why you want it to be perfect.
  2. You are a professional.  By virtue of just sending the query, you’ve risen above so many of the other writers who are seeking the attention of the editor.

I’ll take this opportunity to tell you that there are publications that accept manuscripts as initial contact.  So how on earth do you know who does and who doesn’t?  It’s really pretty simple.  Pull out your recent copy of 2009 Writer’s Market and read the section for the particular publication you’re interested in writing for.  If you don’t have this book and you’re a writer then stop right here.  Quit reading this post.  I mean it.  Click on the link and buy the darned book already.  Come back to the post once you have received it and continue your education.

Once you’ve decided on the publication that most fits what you want to write, you can start your research.  That’s right.  The Writer’s Market is just your starting point.  Hike your carcass down to the bookstore and buy a copy or two of the magazine.  Alternatively go to the magazine’s web site and read through any samples they may have.  While there, compare the contact information in their Writer’s Guidelines with the information in Writer’s Market.  Hey, jobs change, people fall in and out of favor.  Sending your query to the wrong person clearly falls into the “not off to a good start” category.

“Geez, George.  That sounds like an awful lot of work.”  Welcome to the world of being a writer.  If this sounds like too much work then go complete your Great American Novel, make a million bucks and leave the rest of us alone.

You want to read the publication becasue you want a feel for the style and focus of the magazine.  Fail to do this and you may as well save the stamp because your query is not going to work.  Ok, it might work sometimes, but it’s not how a professional writer operates.

You’ve done your homework, you’ve got a great idea and you think you have found the perfect publication for your pitch.

Congrats.  You’re ready to write the query letter.  Which we’ll discuss in part two of this post.